


Cicatrize

by RavenclawCipherOfCabinOne



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, Danny Williams Has A Big Dick, Drinking, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Implied Relationships, Implied Threesome - F/M/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Male Slash, Not Beta Read, Original Character(s), Rejection, Sexual Content, Top Danny "Danno" Williams
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-09
Updated: 2019-10-09
Packaged: 2020-11-28 00:24:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20957408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenclawCipherOfCabinOne/pseuds/RavenclawCipherOfCabinOne
Summary: Danny confesses his love to Steve, who panics and rejects him. Things get awkward and their entire friendship is endangered, as well as Danny's place in 5-0.The rejection hurt...more so because it had been his first attempt to start a relationship with another guy. He felt so damn heartbroken and unwanted...he felt like he was 17 again and like he had to convince himself that being gay or bi wasn't part of who he was. But he's not 17 anymore, damn it! He's not ashamed or afraid...So confused and hurt...Danny becomes a bit of a manwhore as he dives deep into making up all the years he was too afraid to live the part of who he was. The problem is that while he's been doing that, Steve's been looking into himself and working through some personal issues. When he's ready to mend fences and maybe talk about the future of their relationship...does Danny want to take that risk or has their moment passed?





	Cicatrize

_"I'm in love with you." _

Danny took another sip of his drink to try and erase that now horrible memory. Sadly it was deeply engraved into his mind. He was two bourbons and three beers in and he could still remember the look on Steve's face when he confessed. Steve's eyes widened, there was panic and a slight look of anger as his nostrils flared and he steadied his stance. 

_"I'm not gay."_

Steve's reply was very firm, almost strict. There wasn't any room for doubt or misunderstanding. Danny's declaration had been rejected and worse, he'd made Steve angry. He scrambled to apologize, to take it back...but it was too late. Steve stormed away and Danny felt his stomach drop unable to think of how to fix it. Then came a case. It was utter hell. First Steve sent him to whatever place took Danny the farthest possible from him. Second, he barked and yelled at Danny for whatever mid-step he made. With how horrid he felt, he made a lot of mistakes. 

It wasn't their usual banter since Steve's anger seemed genuine and Danny wasn't fighting back or defending himself. It made the team feel awkward. 

But they're Five-Oh and they're Hawaii's finest. The case was eventually solved but it was mostly due to its other members. Danny saw Lou head into Steve's office and he wasn't sure what their conversation was like. The moment they were cleared for the night, Danny grabbed his things and headed to his car and drove away from the palace. He began to head home but decided against it just when he was about three blocks from his home.

Rachel had Charlie this week, and Grace was on college tours with friends.

Danny was alone.

And god that echoed loudly in his head and heart. 

He wasn't fully gay. He _was_ attracted to women too. He _had_ been with Rachel, and Gabby, and Amber. The failings of those relationships were maybe partly because he felt like he was hiding part of himself. A part that they would never accept or criticize and be disgusted with him if they found out. 

_'Like Steve had been.'_ His mind reminds him bitterly. He gulped down the rest of his drink to try and drown it out. Danny was very confused aside from hurt. He knew that Steve wasn't homophobic. With all the times they'd been compared to a couple in the past, Danny had hoped...Danny had dreamed...but then Danny dared. 

Maybe the line had been far thicker for Steve than for Danny. Maybe Danny read far too much into touches and words and feelings. Maybe this was God's way of punishing him. 

_'Oh, you like men too huh? Like that? Fine, I'll make you fall in love with the perfect man for you who just can't and won't love you back.'_ A voice in Danny's mind mocked him. 

His phone buzzed and he had to blink a few times to focus on the bright screen. It was another text from the team. Adam this time. He was asking where Danny was and if he wanted some company. He had others from Tani and Lou, but all of them went unanswered. He glanced at the time and realized he's been at the Hilton bar for about three hours. He realized maybe he should have drunk more in that time...if he got too drunk he could always just rent a room. He had no plan to head home or to see any of his team right now. His mind just wasn't in it...and his heart couldn't bear their looks. Be it disgust(he was sure that was just his insecurity and booze talking) or sympathy. 

"What's her name?" 

Danny looked up from his drink to the person who spoke. It was too close for it to be said to someone else. And Danny did look around to make sure it was directed at him. Still, he was a bit too slow to realize what they were asking and said, "What?" 

"Good looking guy like you, not paying attention to the game, been here for too long, and you got that look in your eye." The stranger said. Good looking, late twenties early thirties, black hair that was well styled and a trimmed beard that had him look a lot like Brett Dalton's character Grant Ward from Agents of SHIELD. Except he had the greenest eyes Danny's ever seen. 

"And what look is that?" Danny asked, but he already knew. Still, he thinks he needs to hear it. 

"Heartache." 

Danny scoffed off a chuckle but nodded. 

"So? What's her name?" 

He took a moment to reply. Other than his confession to Steve he's never let anyone in on this side of him. Sure he's flirted here and there. Had three drunken hookups since moving to the island in all of a decade with men he can't fully remember the faces of, let alone their names. He tried to be brave when he confessed but it just blew up in his face. So...what did it matter now if people knew? The team would find out soon, each of them wanting to probably know what the hell happened. He'd be outed. 

"Steve." 

The handsome stranger blinked in surprise and part of Danny thought he'd make some excuse to scurry along. Maybe he'd been dumped too and just wanted to bitch about how horrible women were or something. But he didn't. He actually scooted closer and hailed the bartender for two more drinks. When they were in front of him, he grabbed his and told Danny, "Well then, he's an idiot for breaking your heart...whatever it is he did." 

"He didn't do anything." Danny may be hurt, but he couldn't fault Steve. He did wish his reaction had been...kinder, but it was his right to feel defensive about it. "He's just not into guys." 

"Well...maybe it's my lucky day. Cos I am." He said giving Danny a charming smile. 

"Bit forward, aren't you?"

"I'm only on the island for the weekend. I head back to New York in the morning. But I couldn't go without shooting my shot."

Danny could commend him for his honesty. Before he would be very wary about going into anything if there was no sense in it. What future did they have? What purpose?

Maybe not everything needed purpose. 

Grace was heading off to college soon, Charlie was growing up in a world that was more modern than when Grace was trying to understand their divorce. Maybe he was destined to be alone, but that didn't mean he had to starve himself of his desires. A one night stand was something he could do. Maybe it was what he should allow from now on.

"I assume you have a room here?" Danny asked.

"Yeah, I do. Pretty good view."

Danny picked up his drink, clinked it with his partner, and they drank before heading off. 

They got handsy in the elevator. At first Danny's hesitant because they were still too out in the open, but it didn't take too long before he became confident. Some of his anger came out then. He didn't _want_ to feel ashamed! So he won't. And he kissed his partner passionately and hungrily. Once in the room, clothes began to be torn off and hands wandered freely and with far more confidence. Feeling someone else's hand on his cock wasn't that strange of a sensation, but what _was_ strange was that it was another man's hand. 

"Fuck, you're huge."

Danny knew that. Sometimes it made him feel very confident when he caught people looking at the impression in his pants. But sometimes, like when he's with someone in private, he feels selfconscious. It tended to scare off some because he was just that big. But his partner seemed to be thrilled and excited by his size, and so Danny blushed but bucked into the other's hand. 

He's not a stranger to blow-jobs, but again...with his past experiences, it was all very vanilla sex. Good sex sure, but Danny never really felt brave enough to ask for more daring things. Even things like oral sex seemed rather taboo with the women he's been with and he can't really explain why. That's not to say it wouldn't happen from time to time but only on special occasions. So seeing someone eagerly tend to his cock like a wanton whore was new and gave him the desire and energy of his twenty-year-old self. He was eager to not be disappointing. Danny paid very keen attention(as much as he could with the alcohol in his system) to his partner's likes and turn-ons. Once he was fully hard he tugged his partner away by pulling on his locks and bringing him up for a kiss. Then ordering him into a hands and knees position and fumbling for something to use as lube. Luckily, his partner was a practicer of safe sex and had a travel-size tube of lube and Danny began to work him open. With the size of his cock, he wanted to make sure his partner enjoyed this night as much as he planned to. 

Fucking another man was different tonight than it was any other time he did it. Before, it'd been in the shadow of shame and insecurity. He still wasn't technically out but he didn't feel like he was in the shadow, unless that shadow was misery and heartache. He tried to push that to the farthest recesses of his mind and focus on chasing his own pleasure. The bed rocked with their movements, his partner meeting his thrusts with his own, eager to get as much of Danny's dick as possible. He was hurt, he was angry, but in the weirdest sense, he was also free! 

When his partner came, he clenched around Danny and after a few more thrusts, Danny follows suit. 

He should leave now. Or maybe find his own room. One night stand with someone he wasn't ever going to see again was over and he should cut ties...right? 

But damn he was tired. From the day, from the past hour, from his emotions. 

He passed out. 

* * *

The next time he wakes up, his partner's preparing his things. He smiles at Danny and says, "Hey...I gotta check out soon." 

Danny stretches and yawns as he gets up. "Heading straight to the airport?" 

"Yeah. I like heading there with time to spare so I have time to get to the right gate or if some other bullshit thing happens, as per traveling traditions." He said with an eye roll

Danny chuckled. "You want a ride?" 

"I'd love to but I really can't risk not catching my flight." He answered with a wink, meaning Danny's cock. 

"Haha. No, but seriously." 

"You sure? I don't wanna impose." 

"What else do I got going on?" 

"Not using me to avoid that Steve guy, are you?" 

"And if I am?" Danny asked with a raised eyebrow. 

His partner shrugged, "Fair enough. I'd be thankful." 

Danny lets him get ready while he gets his clothes from wherever they were thrown. He checks his phone and there are a few more messages. Even two voice mails. He replies to Adam and asks him to tell the team he's fine. He's just going to take the day off. There's a reply almost instantly but Danny ignores it and puts his phone on silent. He follows his partner out of the room as they head to the lobby for check out. Danny leads them to his car and they make it to the airport. 

There, they exchange numbers. Why if it was supposed to be a one night stand? 

Just because. 

Life didn't always need meaning and purpose. 

* * *

Danny makes it home and showers. He takes his time, closes his eyes and remembers how good last night felt. It worked for a few minutes before those green eyes became blue. That beard disappeared and the man stroking his cock wasn't some New York visitor but Steve.

Then the memories of reality bombarded him and his cock lost its hardness. He got out and got dressed quickly. 

He drove around for a while not fully sure of where he wanted to go. Part of him wanted to go see one of his friends and Ohana but he felt too scared. Feeling like he had broken something sacred when he crossed the line with Steve, he felt like he'll fuck up with the rest of the team as well. Truth be told, he wanted to understand whatever was going on in his head and in his heart before he talked with anyone else. He's been struggling with this part of himself since he was a teenager. He's had a lot of loving and accepting people in his life who could have helped him. He just never reached out. He'd never been caught with another man either, so it was never forced out of him. 

Now it was slightly forced out of him, but still his choice. Or at least he wanted it to feel like it was his choice. 

Which led him to a poolside bar of another hotel. He knew of it from one of the many crime scenes he's had to walk through over the years. Not the poolside itself, and he was thankful because he didn't want that morbid thought at the forefront as he sat there trying to look like a catch. Maybe it was childish but he wanted the attention and to feel pretty and wanted. 

So he had grabbed the pair of trunks that fit _just_ right and left very little to the imagination. He knew people were looking at him. That boosted his ego a lot. He was tempted to go swimming but he didn't want to ruin his hair. And okay, maybe he was being too childish in his thinking that water was Steve's element. He shook his head. Steve wasn't interested. If he wanted to ever be able to face him, he needed to not be so pathetic. Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. There were plenty of other fish in the sea and he was confident his _worm_ was more than appealing to a few others around. 

"Hi." 

Danny looked up at the woman who smiled at him. He smiled back. "Hi yourself." 

She giggled before taking a seat next to him. "You seemed a bit lonely...and no one's dared to come close." 

"Maybe they can tell I'm not much of a people person," Danny replied with a small smirk. 

"I think they're a bit intimidated." She said looking down at his shorts. Then she cleared her throat. "So we've been watching you..." 

"We?" Danny asked. 

"My boyfriend and I. People haven't come up to you but they have smiled at you in passing. And we've noticed you smiled back...at both men and women." 

"Hawaii attracts a lot of beautiful people. Not a crime to admire them, is it?" He stated more than asked. He heard her question in her statement and wondered if this was seriously happening. 

"No. So maybe it won't be too weird though maybe a tab bit scandalous. But...my boyfriend and I wanted to know if you'd like to...ya know..."

"Join you for a _drink_?" He asked with a raised eyebrow since he clearly meant something else. 

"Yeah." She nodded and then pointed to who her boyfriend was. Said boyfriend a few tables down waved at Danny. They were a hot couple. Early to mid-thirties. Both blond though he was darker blond, tanned skin, and a five o'clock shadow with pretty blue eyes. She had long blond hair, and a perky smile and a mischievous glint in her stormy blue eyes. They reminded him of the couple in _Arrow_. 

"Let me buy you guys a drink first, yeah?" 

She smiled brightly before waving her boyfriend over. 

* * *

"Where the hell have you been? We've been worried sick!" 

"I just needed a day off," Danny told Adam when he arrived to work the next day. 

Adam frowned at him. "Danny, what the hell is going on?" 

"Have any of you talked to Steve?" Danny asked. 

"We've tried. He's not said anything useful." 

Danny nodded before he looked over to Steve's office and saw him there, staring back at him. Taking a deep breath, he patted Adam's shoulder before heading into the lion's den. He closed the door to Steve's office and hated that guarded pose Steve took, so he kept his distance and didn't take a seat like he normally would have. 

"I came to apologize," Danny said. He kind of stunned both of them. Deep down he hated that he felt like he had to apologize, but Steve didn't correct him. Or say anything so Danny continued. "I value and care a lot about you and this team. You're all family." He hated that he didn't feel like he could say the word 'love' anymore. That word was now a bit tainted and he had no one else to blame but himself. "I don't want things to be weird...I get that outside of work we might need some time apart but I think we should still be able to work together." 

Steve stood and he gave one short, curt nod. "I think we can. Thank you, Danny." 

A bit of anger flushed in Danny when Steve didn't take part of the blame in this. Sure, he didn't have to return Danny's feelings but not seeing anything wrong with his reaction and his actions later on pissed Danny off. But again he didn't fight back, he just...felt defeated. 

Maybe professionally they could move forward, but he had a feeling that their friendship was a longs way off from being mended. 


End file.
